a list of everything i did on valentine’s day:
2. check phone. blearily stumble through instagram, twitter, facebook, email, timehop, instagram (yes twice)
3. stumble out of bed and to bathroom. pee
3. eat leftover cold black beans and sweet potatoes out of the fridge. still hungry. make a green smoothie with a banana that has been sitting on the counter for 2 weeks. cover up the weird taste with a lot of frozen pineapple and spinach. still hungry. eat 1.5 frozen sunflower seed butter & dried cranberry balls that were created during an experiment. satisfied.
4. curl up on couch with computer. find tax documents. halfway fill out turbotax documents before losing interest.
5. move on to homework. a case study about depression! laugh at the irony.
6. chat with roommate in order to hash out the previous night’s events. nothing is left out. no stone is left unturned! every word of every conversation is examined and then cross examined, dissected, and slapped back together. it is now 11:30.
7. decide to go running. pull on jacket and shoes. yes, you ran in your pajamas, but are they really considered pajamas if you also wear them to school, and they are actually just a pair of black leggings and nike socks? for a minute you consider becoming less of a slob, then reconsider.
8. leave house without gloves (bad idea). run around columbia heights dodging a lot of couples holding hands on 14th street and galentines dates in search of bottomless mimosas in which to drown their loneliness. there are literally rose petals littered all down the street. run exactly 4 miles of this debauchery before calling it good.
9. come home and shower. donuts on the counter! and bagels. tell yourself no and jump in the shower instead. wash your hair that hasn’t actually been washed for at least 8 days. you’re actually really proud of it. probably too proud. yeah you should probably bathe more. shave armpits. definitely don’t shave legs.
10. get dressed in front of your open window. you probably flash lots of people walking down the street, but whatever.
11. eat almonds while sauteeing kale and eggs. douse kale in soy sauce and eat it standing while talking to roommates about heaven knows what. still hungry. eat an apple. still hungry. eat another apple. still hungry. find yourself eating the exterior of a sesame seed bagel. like, skin the entire thing. become moderately disgusted with yourself.
12. put on your sleeping bag coat to go grocery shopping with your roommates. realize you’ve lost your wallet. hang your head in the shame that this is the 2nd time you’ve lost your wallet in two months. chalk this up as the best day ever. find a random credit card on dresser and activate it so you can buy food in the meantime.
13. traipse down the street with friends to roommate’s car, get inside, turn the key only to find that the battery is dead. groan in unison. call the only other person we know with a car to come and jump ours. get outside and pop the hood in the meantime as to act like we know what the hell is going on in there.
14. car gets jumped. we celebrate with a trader joe’s run. you buy a lot of things impulsively that seem like total luxuries and immediately regret it upon seeing the bill. mahi mahi burgers, soyrizo, a flat of strawberries, a million avocados, fancy hummus and spicy red pepper eggplant dip. (this will be a delicious week ahead.)
15. drive home as quickly as possible while scanning instagram. see a lot of couple on dates. so many selfies. so much handholding. so many descriptions filled with loving superlatives. this day is like visiting a zoo and watching the animals interract; kinda fun, kinda depressing, mostly weird. if you’re lucky, you can even witness them feeding each other.
16. run inside to put away perishables before work. throw on uniform and some semblance of makeup, just in case some attractive single male stumbles into the restaurant, we lock eyes, and just KNOW. put on bronzer because you fancy.
17. zip up sleeping bag coat, scarf, gloves. definitely don’t forget the gloves. ride through the ice wind to work with sharon van etten on full blast, crooning pessimism and heartbreak. you run a lot of stoplights and probably get honked at two or three times. you live for this!
18. get to work marginally late, but sneak in before anybody notices.
19. spend the evening balancing really hot plates of pot roast, filets, cedar plank salmon, and chicken and waffles on your arms. get a lot of couples to go bags. there’s a lot of hand holding. eat one million french fries right out of the fryer. eat a meatless meatloaf with vegan mashed potatoes that was abandoned by somebody at sometime during the night. sweat a lot in the kitchen. give booze recommendations. watch the blizzard outside. wonder if anyone would miss an entire red velvet cake if accidentally “vanished”.
20. finish work, punch out, and suit up for the arctic ride ahead. dump the snow out of your helmet and scrape the ice off the seat. gingerly ride home, ice wind almost knocking you over a few times. pass a lot of drunken lovebirds in dupont leaning on each other in order to make it safely through the cross walk. ride faster than you’ve probably ever ridden. it is now 1 am.
21. stumble inside, rip off clothes to defrost. curl up in bed despite the smell of food that clings to every strand of hair. see what gems social media is willing to offer up. chuckle at the absurdity and relish in the heater blowing directly in your face. fall asleep. you have single-handedly handled the day.